An Angel is Falling

Life as an addict was always a rollercoaster of short-lived pleasure, followed by guilt, shame and powerlessness. Without knowing it, I followed a path that ressembled my life as I perceived it. I had this obstructed view of myself, where I was not good enough, or kind enough, or pretty enough, or just enough.

My alcoholic genes were passed to me as part of my genetic package. I started drinking when I was in high school and soon enough I realized that I could drink more than anyone. My drinking career was framed by periods of madness and excesiveness, followed by periods of some kind of control. It really started to take over when my marriage was going downhill. I started to drink alone without any remorse. Needless to say, after the divorce, my drinking took over full force.

Around that time, somebody introduced me to cocaine. Now, I found the perfect combination to let me binge drink for days in a row. I always thought that I had it under control; that is the biggest lie that all addicts tell themselves.

I moved to Miami just after my divorce. At that point, my life was starting the decline. As part of the divorce process, I surrendered the custody of my kids. Can you imagine? Not having my kids around made things worse as it left me feeling void and empty. Of course I filled that empty space in me with more drugs and alcohol.

Ten years of my life centered around my drug use. I somehow kept myself productive to a very minimal level. I lost job after job. I lost all my money and material possesions. I was losing myself and I knew it. I was helpless. I was desperate.

One day, after a long night of drug and alcohol use, I woke up to the reality that once again I coudn’t make it to work. At that moment my pain and desperation became so palpable that I started to cry. I felt defeated and worthless. It was on this day that I finally surrendered. I reached out for help and within minutes I had a rehabilitation center calling me back and offering to receive me.

I started my rehabilitation on May 5, 2008. On that day every year, I celebrate my rebirth. I celebrate my victory over addiction every day of my life. I celebrate that God saw one of his angels falling and extended His loving arms to carry me.