Sometimes We Need to Stop
When I started journaling, the idea of a blog came to mind as I had many life experiences that could share and perhaps benefit other people. Never in my wildest dreams, I thought the blog journey was going to become a transformational journey in my life. As I started writing and sharing, I exposed parts of me that were not visited for the longest time. Naturally, those visits brought emotions I was not ready to revisit or, yet alone, to feel for the first time. The writing journey that started with so much optimism and passion, ended up in confusion.
All this experience of feeling so many intense emotions and not knowing what to do with them was new to me. I started to feel alone, anxious and depressed. It was at that time I decided I needed to stop and get help to confront, deal, resolve and heal all those emotions hibernating inside me for too long. It was at that time I realized I needed to take a break from the writing to start a deep journey into myself with the guidance of a professional.
This is how I started therapy with an incredible professional and human being who has taken me by the hand to help me understand many aspects about my thoughts, behavior and emotions. It was through honest hard work I understood I needed to value the beautiful human being I am. I discovered I was good enough and kind enough. I came to realize all those years of repressing my emotions and thoughts because I always believed that thoughts or emotions were either good or bad. I always allowed myself to think only the good thoughts or to feel the good emotions according to the rating I assigned to them. I believed if I allowed myself to feel sad or scared I was going to become weak, and I needed to be strong. I learned the only thing I have control over are my thoughts if I welcomed all of them. I needed to give myself permission to feel.
It has been such an experience where I have done peace with my past and allowed myself to embrace my present. I am starting to live life as it evolves just the way it is without the expectation of how it should be. I am starting to see and value the beauty of every moment and allowing myself to feel upset, sad or confused. The road to happiness is built up with those steps.
Life does not have to be perfect. We only have one life that is ours and perfect for us. We will be able to cherish that wonderful life if we take some time to stop.
