A Lesson in Acceptance
How many times have we made plans for a special occasion or for a big event, like a trip or a celebration? These plans usually involve something very special or very dear to our hearts. We dwell at length on our plans, think about every detail and get filled with anticipation and excitement. As the time approaches, we experience the joy and fulfillment of our plan becoming reality. But what happens when something unexpected occurs and our plans come to a halt? How do we react to the reality of not getting something we really wanted? How do we process our feelings at that moment?
I have, as I am sure you have too, experienced instances where I was unable to bring a plan to reality. Most of the time I have been able to approach the situation with stoicism and move on with my life. Remember, I take pride in being a resilient woman so naturally, by being strong and resilient I have deprived myself feeling what I need to feel in many circumstances.
As you all know, I recently became a grandmother. This is my first grandchild and I was very excited about the idea of meeting my grandson. I made plans to fly to Puerto Rico immediately after the birth and I was so excited and overjoyed about the trip that I simply could not wait for the day to arrive. Then the situation with COVID-19 started to unfold as we were getting closer to the due date. By the time baby Santi was born, it would have been irresponsible to fly and expose ourselves, my family and Santi to a dangerous virus. So just like that, the moment of meeting my grandson was postponed. We have been able to meet through video calls and pictures but it cannot substitute the amazing experience of seeing and touching him. To make matters worse, the prospect of traveling any time soon is dim and we cannot force it to be any sooner.
How am I dealing with this reality? Of course I was trying to be resilient and move on, but this time it was not working. There was a huge void that I was trying to suppress inside me and it was not getting any better. Today during my yoga practice I was able to understand that it was all right to allow myself to feel and be sad about not knowing when I am going to meet my grandson. I allowed myself to experience the feelings of sadness and hopelessness that have been overwhelming me. I was able to understand that given our current normal, with social isolation in place, it was ok not to feel fine or in control. With that realization, for the first time, I allowed myself to cry while I was flowing through my practice. After I finished my practice, my meditation and my final resting pose, I was able to allow the feeling of acceptance to finally take over.
What a big lesson I have learned! We can live our lives making plans for the future without the realization that today is our most important time. It is important to make some planning but always keeping in mind that life can take us in a different direction. When we are dealing with disappointment, we cannot forget to stay present, to acknowledge our feelings and allow them to surface because there is not a right or wrong feeling. Acceptance brings you to a place of peace, when you realize that you are exactly at the place you are meant to be.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Amen