And Then There is LOVE

Throughout my life, I was always in relationships and that agreed with my codependent upbringing. I didn’t know what codependency was, but it certainly governed many areas of my life, especially relationships.

As a young girl I always liked boys. I had plenty of relationships until I finally met the man I married. We were married for 16 years. Our relationship was very defective because the mix of the components was not right. He was a good man; he was just not the right man for me. I needed space to discover myself and I was in a relationship that did not allow me to do that.

After my divorce, I was so lost and insecure and as all you know by now, my life was in a dark place of existence. Alcohol, drugs and many more relationships were part of this period of my life. My relationships were again defective because I was broken, codependent, and because alcohol and drugs were added to the equation. The last relationship before I was sober was the final blow and it left me very scarred.

I was already working on my sobriety when I decided that I needed to be out of that last relationship. I needed time to be by myself. I needed time to heal, to put together scattered pieces of myself, to reinvent my life and be strong and happy. Most importantly, I needed time to get to know the real me and fall in love with that person. There was a lot of hurt, guilt and shame that I needed to put behind.

For the next two years I learned to be my best friend and companion. I learned how to be comfortable with myself. For example, I started to be able to go alone to the beach and sit in front of the ocean and take in the grandiosity of it all and feel full and happy. I learned to assume total responsibility for my happiness and well being. I worked hard in all areas of my life during those two years: personal, career, health, therapy and a new social life. In those days I was still struggling with spirituality. I was not consistent, but I was searching. Little by little I started to become more confident and happy, and I began to attract the right people in my life.

One day, around that time, my daughter asked me about the possibility of starting to date. I was not sure yet if that was what I wanted or if I was ready, but I decided to give it a try and we both worked in my profile for a dating website. The first few attempts were awkward and unsuccessful. But that showed me for the first time, that I knew what I wanted and I was not going to settle for less.

And then, the Universe conspired and put in front of me the man that was just right for me. We met online and we talked for a while before we officially went on our first date. TONY was his name. It was not love at first sight, but he showed me on that first date that he knew how to listen and knew how to enjoy life and was also educated and courteous, and had kind eyes. That first date introduced me to this man who had a strong sobriety as I had. It was then the miracle happened.

We have been together for seven years now. Tony is the person that I want to keep getting old with. Our relationship is not perfect, but we are perfect for each other. We know how not to agree and not to hold grudges. We love each other; we are friends that are also loving partners. We like to laugh together, travel and at times just to stay home and do nothing.

Tony showed up in my life as my Prince Charming at the time where I began loving and believing in myself. I became a whole strong woman. I was not looking for a man to make me happy anymore. I opened my heart again and found that…. THERE IS REAL LOVE.

Never go in search of love, go in search of life, and life will find the love you seek.

-Atticus